I was supposed to take a Valium so that my jaw would relax and wouldn’t lock, or at least not lock open as badly. I forgot to pick up the prescription last time and they told me they had mailed it, but then never did mail it (good thing because I have a hunch that the mail gets tampered with around here) and therefore the prescription never got filled.

I layed down in the chair and they asked me if I wanted to watch TV. As I looked up to the TV on the ceiling I noticed that it acted like a mirror, and that if I left it off I would be able to see the whole procedure. I opted out of the TV, also wanting to concentrate on the effects of the gas.

They hooked me up to the gas and left me there for a few minutes. This time my thoughts were focused on remembering what I was feeling so that I could blog about it. I wanted to compare it to the first time I had gas. I have a friend who says that it is never as intense as the first time and I was curious to know if that was the case.

They left me alone for several minutes and I began to inhale deeply through my nose. Nothing. I inhaled deeper…still nothing. Just as I was beginning to think that I’d never feel the same sensations as the first time again, the hygenist came back and said, “Ok, we’re going to turn on the gas now, we just had the oxygen on up until now.” She must have seen my chest heaving, sucking up that gas and wondering what the heck was going on.

As soon as the gas was added to the oxygen flow, I remember the different sound that the air-flow made. It was confirmation to my mind that what I was now inhaling would have that blessed effect. Sure enough, I started to feel a rush in my head that spread to my shoulders and down my arms, stopping short of my elbows. I heard the familiar echo of a drill in the background and noted that while the drill was echoing, the music playing overhead was not. I took a few more deep breaths through my nose and decided to test my ability to control my dosage. The thought came just in time as I began to fear getting overdosed again. I began to breath through my mouth and, sure enough, the effects began to wear off.

The rest of the procedure I only allowed myself to get truly comfortable one more time. I was able to feel that deep relaxation that pulses down your arms and into your fingers. Prior to that my body posture had been tense and my fingers were interlocked and clenched on top of my stomach. But now I had no choice but to let my arms lay comfortably by my side. That’s how I know for sure that I’m in a good place. Unfortunately, that place is so close to the overdosed state for me that when I got there I began to breathe through my mouth.

While most of the procedure wasn’t as comfortable and blissful for me as the first time (mostly due to my own fear of overdosing) I noted that the subtle effects of gas were still better than no gas.

I don’t remember the acute vision experience of the last session, and it’s unfortunate because I was really looking forward to that again. I wanted to “zoom in” on the reflection on the TV and see my teeth and their instruments in detail. But it didn’t happen.

At one point I thought that I must be trying too hard. As I stopped looking at the reflection and just let my mind go for a few minutes I noticed that I was indeed trying too hard, because now I was feeling it good again. But just as I was starting to enjoy it I thought that I must remember this for my blog and I was snapped back into awareness.

I think that I ruined it for myself today with my fore-knowledge of writing about the experience, so if I blog about being on gas again, it will be as an after thought and I won’t be concentrating on it during the procedure.

Luckily, because of my major jaw lock problems, they decided to only do two of the eight and they’re going to split the procedure into two at a time. So I have three more trips to the dentist over the next month. The next one is on Thursday! Hopefully I can enjoy it a little more.

They referred me to a jaw specialist and told me that the older I get, the worse it will be. The first time they tried to close my jaw I could tell they didn’t realize it was going to be as bad as I told them it would be. The dentist worked and worked at it (causing quite a bit of pain for me) as he tried to force my jaw back towards my head. I finally interjected and told him that my jaw hinges to the left to close. Then I just showed him as I placed my hands firmly on my jaw and with my right hand pushing to the left and my left hand pushing firmly up, then - CRACK! - my jaw finally came closed. The hygenist turned her head in disgust and the dentist let out an audible “ohhh”. It was kind of funny. It’s actually a sort of bonding between the dentist and his staff and me. They feel so sorry for me afterwards and I’m sure they talk about it after I’ve left. I’m always remembered when I come back, a celebrity of sorts; but probably more on the side of circus freak.